such a good one. I also turned to entrepreneurship when I could no longer sustain the pace of full time employment and motherhood and now have the unique ability to see how many of my consulting clients (all virtual-first organizations) make this work. The vibe is VASTLY different from org to org, but the leaders I see doing it well are the ones who lead by example when it comes to balancing work and family. One org uses G-Chat to stay connected on everything from "my kid is sick so she'll be joining me on zoom calls" to "I'm taking a 20 min screen break, be back soon" to "taking my computer to a doc appt, let me know if you need anything." At first, I thought it was WILDLY unnecessary (like please, just take the screen break), but when the leader sets the example by saying "a family friend is in the hospital, I'm getting a slow start this morning," it sets the tone for others to comfortably and without fear of repercussion say "it's been a long week, I'm logging off early."
Other orgs I work with mandate open calendar access and leaders actively choose to add personal appts and kid events to their calendars. The ones who don't have are more resentful, just a busy, and lack understanding of others' day-to-day capacity. People are worried about oversight, but the LACK of transparency is what leads to a lack of empathy.
I'm not sure what my point is here except to say that if you feel like your organization is not the unicorn, supportive environment you hope for, modeling and encouraging schedule and capacity transparency might be a place to start - especially if you're a leader.
This is so brilliant and so interesting. I'm so glad you shared. I fully agree. As a leader, I know that I set the tone. And when I run myself into the ground working too much, it's not a good message. But when I am dedicated to getting my jobs done and dedicated to "protecting the asset" (myself and my mental health / balance), it's better for everyone.
I'm in an organization that sees the whole person and provides time and space to both get the work done and do whatever is needed in your personal life. The freedom to tell my boss that my day sucked and I need to bounce a little early or the morning was a challenge and I'm starting a little late is so valuable. I will never leave this organization, not because they pay me all the dollars but because they value my work and me as a person. It's been 10 years now and I could go make more money somewhere else but I don't think I would have the enumerated and unenumerated benefits that I get here. Those make it so worth it.
That being said, I think Emily is actually very good at being transparent with her team about what she needs and she's shown herself to be open to making sure her team gets what they need. I would venture to guess that her team would back that up as well.
Caring for young children contributes nearly as much to the GDP as the military and in a capitalist economy that amount of labor cannot be done for free, it’s unsustainable. I hope we’re close to an awakening about this. We need to expand the child tax credit to cover a parent’s previous year’s income for the first five years of their child’s life. That way parents will have the ability to be the primary caregiver of their child (a natural right that modern capitalism has robbed from us) or pay the actual cost of quality childcare. Investments in early childhood like this have the greatest ROI of any government spending because they eliminate the need for many other services later in life—every dollar spent on early childhood programs saves 5 dollars in social services *not* needed down the pike. This would be the easiest solution to MANY issues!
I just turned 65. Every word of this is true, and I am sorry that I now have to be helping my daughter navigate this in her motherhood and career, instead of enjoying the younger generation having it easier.
I worked nights and stayed up days to raise my own family. I homeschooled. Today, that daughter is a scientist (with her proudly-won first big grant frozen) who juggles homeschooling mornings with working the rest of the day into evening. I’m sure this sounds familiar to most of you.
The debacle of the pandemic never changed anything. If any of you ladies know of a group organizing to change this, please share. I’ll help.
Someone was sharing today about what their day looked like 5 years ago and I had the thought that the pandemic could have changed our work lives for the better, brought us together, and changed our priorities for good, but it did the exact opposite.
Years and years ago, as a teenager, I had a conversation with a good friend and her mom about growing up and having a family and also working or not working. The mom said something I’ve never forgotten: “you can’t fight biology.” She was referring to the fact that as women, we can’t easily escape the reality of the hard choices that accompany motherhood. (During this discussion, my friend and I were also horrified to learn that your stomach wouldn’t automatically deflate right after giving birth.) Years later, when my son was born, I was fortunate to have the choice to stay home or return to work. I chose to stay home, which ended up being necessary anyway, because our son had developmental and medical complexities that required full time care. I’m not sure what I’m trying to point out, other than that I wish the choices and paths for women could be easier as well as better supported. (My thoughts on full time parenting, and the pros/cons is a whole other topic).
I loved this article! I have owned and operated a fitness and health coaching business for almost 20 years now. I started the business with a friend when my 4th child started pre-school. Having a business partner was very helpful in the early days when we both had young families. One year into the business I found out that I was pregnant with my 5th child and was very nervous about telling my new business partner. She was SO excited for me and kept the business going until I was ready to return. I don't think that I would have received such a positive response if I had worked for a company. As a matter of fact, I was just hired by a company to be a contractual health coach and let's just say that I am VERY happy to be a contractor and not an employee! 😉
I love the message behind this essay, Emily!! It’s so hard to find the balance between work and motherhood and I’m not even a mother, I can’t imagine the challenges moms face every day. I also love the voice over format. It was so refreshing to hear your thoughts in your voice!
such a good one. I also turned to entrepreneurship when I could no longer sustain the pace of full time employment and motherhood and now have the unique ability to see how many of my consulting clients (all virtual-first organizations) make this work. The vibe is VASTLY different from org to org, but the leaders I see doing it well are the ones who lead by example when it comes to balancing work and family. One org uses G-Chat to stay connected on everything from "my kid is sick so she'll be joining me on zoom calls" to "I'm taking a 20 min screen break, be back soon" to "taking my computer to a doc appt, let me know if you need anything." At first, I thought it was WILDLY unnecessary (like please, just take the screen break), but when the leader sets the example by saying "a family friend is in the hospital, I'm getting a slow start this morning," it sets the tone for others to comfortably and without fear of repercussion say "it's been a long week, I'm logging off early."
Other orgs I work with mandate open calendar access and leaders actively choose to add personal appts and kid events to their calendars. The ones who don't have are more resentful, just a busy, and lack understanding of others' day-to-day capacity. People are worried about oversight, but the LACK of transparency is what leads to a lack of empathy.
I'm not sure what my point is here except to say that if you feel like your organization is not the unicorn, supportive environment you hope for, modeling and encouraging schedule and capacity transparency might be a place to start - especially if you're a leader.
This is so brilliant and so interesting. I'm so glad you shared. I fully agree. As a leader, I know that I set the tone. And when I run myself into the ground working too much, it's not a good message. But when I am dedicated to getting my jobs done and dedicated to "protecting the asset" (myself and my mental health / balance), it's better for everyone.
I'm in an organization that sees the whole person and provides time and space to both get the work done and do whatever is needed in your personal life. The freedom to tell my boss that my day sucked and I need to bounce a little early or the morning was a challenge and I'm starting a little late is so valuable. I will never leave this organization, not because they pay me all the dollars but because they value my work and me as a person. It's been 10 years now and I could go make more money somewhere else but I don't think I would have the enumerated and unenumerated benefits that I get here. Those make it so worth it.
That being said, I think Emily is actually very good at being transparent with her team about what she needs and she's shown herself to be open to making sure her team gets what they need. I would venture to guess that her team would back that up as well.
You found a unicorn Gail! That's amazing that they support you in those ways.
Caring for young children contributes nearly as much to the GDP as the military and in a capitalist economy that amount of labor cannot be done for free, it’s unsustainable. I hope we’re close to an awakening about this. We need to expand the child tax credit to cover a parent’s previous year’s income for the first five years of their child’s life. That way parents will have the ability to be the primary caregiver of their child (a natural right that modern capitalism has robbed from us) or pay the actual cost of quality childcare. Investments in early childhood like this have the greatest ROI of any government spending because they eliminate the need for many other services later in life—every dollar spent on early childhood programs saves 5 dollars in social services *not* needed down the pike. This would be the easiest solution to MANY issues!
The untold labor force. Truly.
I just turned 65. Every word of this is true, and I am sorry that I now have to be helping my daughter navigate this in her motherhood and career, instead of enjoying the younger generation having it easier.
I worked nights and stayed up days to raise my own family. I homeschooled. Today, that daughter is a scientist (with her proudly-won first big grant frozen) who juggles homeschooling mornings with working the rest of the day into evening. I’m sure this sounds familiar to most of you.
The debacle of the pandemic never changed anything. If any of you ladies know of a group organizing to change this, please share. I’ll help.
Congrats to your daughter!!
Someone was sharing today about what their day looked like 5 years ago and I had the thought that the pandemic could have changed our work lives for the better, brought us together, and changed our priorities for good, but it did the exact opposite.
It's wild to think of what we learned individually during that time, but maybe not collectively.
Years and years ago, as a teenager, I had a conversation with a good friend and her mom about growing up and having a family and also working or not working. The mom said something I’ve never forgotten: “you can’t fight biology.” She was referring to the fact that as women, we can’t easily escape the reality of the hard choices that accompany motherhood. (During this discussion, my friend and I were also horrified to learn that your stomach wouldn’t automatically deflate right after giving birth.) Years later, when my son was born, I was fortunate to have the choice to stay home or return to work. I chose to stay home, which ended up being necessary anyway, because our son had developmental and medical complexities that required full time care. I’m not sure what I’m trying to point out, other than that I wish the choices and paths for women could be easier as well as better supported. (My thoughts on full time parenting, and the pros/cons is a whole other topic).
You can't fight biology. So true. (And also - I'm still horrified my stomach didnt go right back to pre baby hahahaha).
I loved this article! I have owned and operated a fitness and health coaching business for almost 20 years now. I started the business with a friend when my 4th child started pre-school. Having a business partner was very helpful in the early days when we both had young families. One year into the business I found out that I was pregnant with my 5th child and was very nervous about telling my new business partner. She was SO excited for me and kept the business going until I was ready to return. I don't think that I would have received such a positive response if I had worked for a company. As a matter of fact, I was just hired by a company to be a contractual health coach and let's just say that I am VERY happy to be a contractor and not an employee! 😉
That is so sweet to hear, Cindy. I feel like 'women supporting women' is what's going to help us all survive in this wild day and age.
I love the message behind this essay, Emily!! It’s so hard to find the balance between work and motherhood and I’m not even a mother, I can’t imagine the challenges moms face every day. I also love the voice over format. It was so refreshing to hear your thoughts in your voice!
Thanks, Elspeth!!
I feel this in my bones, Em! Another brilliant piece.
Thank you so much, M!