Learning to disappoint people

Why this feels impossible when you're an empath (+ a printable quiz))

view from my new favorite writing spot

I heard something recently that stopped me in my tracks: "We have to learn to be comfortable disappointing people."

For someone like me, this idea felt almost impossible to consider. Disappoint people? On purpose? Absolutely not. The very thought made my chest tight. But here's what I've realized: I was already disappointing someone. Sometimes, at the cost of disappointing others, I'm disappointing myself.

When I'm busy being the reliable one, the yes-person, the one who never lets anyone down, I'm systematically letting myself down in ways both small and devastating:

• An overfilled calendar with no room for spontaneity or rest

• A deep sense of dread before events I'd committed to but didn't have the bandwidth to attend

• The constant hum of frantic that became my baseline normal

• Dreams deferred because there was always someone else's need to meet first

When I discovered I'm an empath

For years, I identified as an Enneagram 2 — the helper, the giver, the one who anticipates everyone's needs. It made perfect sense. I was always putting others first, always saying yes, always exhausted from caring so much about everyone else's feelings.

Then I learned about empaths and everything clicked into place differently. Could you be an empath too? I’ve created a 20 questions quiz to help you discover if you are.